DSL Hell Revisited

My DSL is a big tease. Since early this morning it has been popping on and off. Just when I am about to chuck the whole lot of it out the window it suddenly comes back on. And I lovingly caress it, call it baby, thank it for being so beautiful. It blinks at me..my heart swells. I stroke the mouse and tap one finger quickly. I hold my breath waiting for that moment, that wondrous moment. Anticipation. And then....PAGE CANNOT BE DISPLAYED.

Bitch.

Called the tech line...you know those people that really don't give a flying crap and talk to you like your two. The first tech asks me two minutes into the conversation..."Have you gone online and checked our help page"? **Insert dumbfounded look here**. I tell him it's intermittent. He asked me what that meant. *Big Sigh*. 30 minutes later I know nothing more than I knew before. The DSL pops on while I'm on the phone. Great he says, I fixed it. I suggest we wait because the problem comes and goes..interfuckingmittant. 10 minutes of silence and my ho of a DSL box still hasn't gone out. So we hang up. Two minutes later, she conks out again.

Bitch.

Tech line round 2 gets me Sarenita. She knows what intermittent means. She runs a test line and says the problem isn't with them. She says my computer isn't receiving the information from them. Ya think? I spend the next 45 minutes plugging and pulling, clicking and powering down as instructed my whatshername. Nothing. She suggests maybe I need a new box. Ya think? Then she tells me the cost and proceeds to try and sell me everything from cable wires to steak knives.

Just send me a new modem. Wait, is that a kid I hear crying in the background? Is that glass breaking?? Suddenly Sarenita is anxious to get off the phone...wonder why. She says we need to be sure. She'll upgrade the priority of my problem and have a technician come out to have a look. Earliest available appointment? Next Thursday. Sarenita I say, go take care of your kid. I'll handle this on my own.

Turns out that after all the drama my box was just over heated (and not in a good way). Who told me this miracle of technical information?? The Kid. "Mom, it's hot. When the Playstation acted weird, you called it some bad names and said it was overheated. You took the plug out. The box thing needs it's plugs pulled".

See that there, I'm raising a friggin' genius! Screw you tech line, I got me in house assistance! Watch out MIT...Kid Wanders is coming! (Of course it will just be to torture corrupt say hi to your geeks. She probably won't be attending. She'll be too busy trying to stay out of prison, trouble.)

*Posts tagged with "From the vault" were not written recently. I have a file full of old posts I never got around to posting. Since I'm still wrapping things up around here, I thought no better time than now to post them.*

Mom Wanders

34 years ago, on a cold winter night, a teenage girl gave birth to her only child....

Something happened in the last two weeks that changed my life. It forced me to confront and to forgive demons that have haunted me for far too long. It also gave me a sense of peace and calm I have never fully felt.

I alternate between emotions. I am wrapped in a welcoming sadness simply because I never thought I'd feel it. And that makes me happy. As odd as that may sound, the fact that I feel this pain makes me feel more like the phoenix someone likened me too.

Underneath it all. Despite it all. Through it all. I loved her. She was not Donna Reed. She made Peg Bundy look like a pro. She would have gotten on well with Joan Crawford. But she was the only Mother I had. And in those moments before she passed, for the first time in my life, I wanted her to hug me. To tell me that she loved me. To say everything would be alright. But it never came.

We walked the same path her and I. Physical, sexual and verbal abuse seemed to be written in the stone of our lives. Because she feared it, she became complacent with it and closed her eyes to what was being done to me. But I no longer blame her for my pain. She knew no other life. In a way, her acceptance of it allowed me the strength to leave her on that path and take the one she was too scared to travel.

In the days before her death I was told (by priest) that she felt I had abandoned her. She thought that I should not have left. That I should not have traveled that other path. And it saddens me to think that she thought that staying, as she did, was the right thing to do. It saddens me that she feared the unknown so much that living that life was better than freeing herself from her own demons.

I cannot change the past nor can I rewrite our painful history. But I do mourn. Deeper than I think anyone, including myself, ever thought I would.

34 years ago, on a cold winter night, a teenage girl gave birth to what would be her only child. On the back of her newborn daughters photo she wrote one word. Love.

I love you too Mom.

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak
whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.
~William Shakespeare

Blimey O'Reilly!

During a quick on line conversation, it was suggested I was being a bit of a rude ass. Me? A rude ass? Who would have thought it? Actually it pertained to my sporadic posting and lack of commenting on this and others blogs. I hadn't thought that some may think me an ass for my lack of attention to this blog for the last month or two.

I have truly been incredibly busy. Every minute of my day is inked in blood. I've got the dark circles under my eyes to prove it! I may not be posting or commenting to my favorite blogs but I am utilizing my reader to it's fullest potential.

I will resume normal programming soon (honest)...or whatever normal is around here.
~~~

Oi! Yorkshire Chick!
Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday dear Yorkie, Happy Birthday to you!

Hee hee...what you gonna do to me from all the way over there??

*To you my friend, I hold my glass high, and wish you nothing but happiness. May the many phases of your life that have yet to come be more joyful than you could ever imagine.*

Just Wandering

I've managed to catch a kick ass cold so I am currently exhausted and would like nothing more than to flop on the bed and never move. Obviously I can't do that, so thank goodness some of that is a fabulous kind of exhausted. My summer thus far has been one surprise after another, one guest after another and one fantastic time after another. The only thing that could make this summer better would be playing naked bongo tag with a smelly Texan.

While I won't bore you with the details of my debauchery (that actually made me laugh), I will share some minor things that crept into the month I've been gone. Hmmm, let us think...

~I discovered that you can really gross someone by announcing that you hate Spotted Dick. Be sure to follow it up with "the last time it was in my mouth it was gooey and rancid". Guaranteed conversation killer.

~I realized that my 7 (soon to be 8) year old will tower over me by this time next year. She grew another 2 inches. I'm either raising Cindy Crawford or fucking Chyna.

~I have total weakness for furry pussy. I just can't help but want to stroke them and plant wet kisses on them. I am completely pussy whipped. The Warden likes pussies too...although he insists that he has it better than I do. After all, he likes to stroke pussies of different species. Hot.

~A friend of ours came out over the summer. We already knew but he apparently hadn't realized that we knew. The following conversation transpired between him and the Warden:

Friend: I'm just going to say this fast. I'm gay.
Warden: You suck dick?
Friend: Um, yes.
Warden: And this changes the way you play soccer how?
Friend: It doesn't.
Warden: Well then, what the fuck are you being all dramatic about?

He said that after a hard time concerning his family, that exchange comforted him more than he could explain. I may have mentioned it once or twice but I married a pretty amazing guy.

~The Warden and I became an Uncle and Aunt. If you could see the amount of eye rolling I am doing you would be awed and wonder how it is I'm not popping a socket. I assure you that this has nothing to do with the adorable little bundle of joy. (Hush Warden. Do NOT put the words unfortunate looking in my comment box.) It has to do with the fact that my sister in law is a lazy twit who only had the child because it was too late for an abortion. Oh yeah, I said it and I ain't taking it back.

~I have now managed to kill 2 computers and a digital camera. I am like the black plague to electronics. This has also contributed to my decline in internet activities. I'll be getting a new computer in a day or two, unless they have sent out a notice to their friends to hide.

Hopefully with the summer nearly over and a spankin' new computer for me, I'll be around these parts more often.

Odds & Ends

The hairy bear picture in the below post was not appreciated. I swear there are moral net police just waiting to pounce. An hour after I posted I got the first e-mail. So, people are more offended by a hairy ass than me watching a couple screw on the beach. It could have been worse...he could have been showing his wanker instead of his ass.

I posted a naked hairy ass on my blog. Thats pretty much it. If it wasn't liked, I can't help that.

~~~~
Damn, I wish my Aston Martin ran on biofuel made from excess wine.
~~~

The Day I Fell In Love With England
He was the type of guy my friends and I avoided like the plague. A gentlemen many called him. Clean cut and no tattoos. He didn't smoke and he didn't do drugs (to this day it amazes me that a joint has never passed his lips). But he was one of those that had that thing that cannot be described but is apparent in every movement. His presence was commanding, he made women stare and men pay attention. He was beautiful and menacing. He was handsome and kind. He was mysterious and dangerous.

That day when my world changed forever, I was a mess. My naturally curly dark hair had been blood red with a streak of pink back then. But that day it looked it looked like a brillo pad got it's ass kicked. After 9 hours in flight and two ohmygodI'mgoingtodie car rides, I wasn't feeling fresh, I was pissed and had decided that I hated England with a passion.

So when I walked into that dinner, I was prepared to hate on anyone within my vicinity. I was prepared to be every bit of the obnoxious rude American. Until I saw him. Surrounded by women...looking uncomfortable and amused all at once. In one second, one flash of a moment, his oddly flecked yellow/green eyes locked into my brown ones and my world was never the same.

I love you more today than yesterday.
But not as much as tomorrow.